Train Tickets - part 2

While booking a train ticket on-line can be such pain in the wrong place as described in the previous post, booking tickets at the counter is no less!

1. The Q at the booking counter is always thrice the number of people you expect

2. If you expect 10, there will be 30 people in the Q and so on

3. Useless fact: Most of them would not have showered that morning

4. Utterly useless fact: At-least one person in the Q will claim that he's been waiting at the counter from 4 AM that morning

5. Fact: You will always borrow a pen to fill up the reservation form

6. Point 4 repeats at Banks, Supermarkets, Restaurants etc.

7. By the time you fill the form, another 30 people would have added themselves to the Q

8. Another useless fact: Most of them would not have brushed that morning

9. At-least 3 of them will try to borrow your borrowed pen (!)

10. Meanwhile 5 people will be shouting at 1 person for trying to insert himself into the Q somewhere at the front

11. You'll also hear abusive language in all Indian languages

12. The person before you in the Q will always make sure he/she spends 15 minutes at the counter

13. He will be trying hard to get all his doubts about the railways clarified by the booking clerk

14. When all this is happening, the whole world will be trying to book tickets on-line or at different stations standing in different Qs

15. When you finally reach the counter, it's well past 9 AM

16. You realize you are late to the office, again !!!

17. Every chance that the booking clerk will try to tell you that only WL tickets are available

18. And then you realize, you forgot to bring CASH!!!!!

And this is Aapu in a different form. 

Honourable additions to SSSVS: Those who forget to carry a photocopy of their ID proof

Train Tickets & a famous Tam word!

1. Booking a tatkal train ticket can be a pain in the wrong place (a.k.a Aapu)

2. This is mostly experienced by: thathas, pattis, uncles, aunties, onnu vitaa mamas, chittaphas, chittis, girlfriends, boyfriends and useless friends who prefer train travel and of course me

3. You require:
    a. Bucket-load of patience
    b. Super-fast internet (13244334545 Mbps is not enough after latest research results)
    c. Laptop / PC (in working condition) or
    d. (a) plus a Mobile with internet access

4. You also need to wake up before 8 AM IST (tough ask ain't it?)

5. Finish the most important duty before logging on (you know what I'm talking about, don't you?)

6. Point 5 is valid only if point 4 happens

7. Logon - takes a minimum of 1 hour

8. When finally accomplished, ticket availability moves to WL

9. This is called - 'Aapu' (a.k.a pain in the wrong place in the Queen's language)

Useless Note 1: Forgot password cases are not considered here as they fall under the SSSVS category (Sondha Selavil Sooniyam Vaithukolbavar Sangam)

Useless Note 2: If you don't have tools mentioned in point 3, please wait for another useless post

The Band

I'm compelled to tell you all that I'm in a band! After so many years! Therefore, am more compelled to tell you some useless facts about us! Here we go!
 
1. We call ourselves 'nothing' in fact - name suggestions welcome

2. Based at - nowhere in particular. 

3. To be honest with you all, we are present around the world at present. Our Keys' player is in the Queen's country these days

4. He is waiting for his visa to expire so that he will be deported (!!)

5. Rest of us - scattered in and around the vast land of India

6. How did we meet? - requires another useless post

7. We sing about - the Carpenter who lived and walked this earth 2000 years ago!

8. What do we play - well music instruments of course!

9. Do we drink? Yes, we do! H2O on stage and Chilled Water off-stage

10. We like to have fun on-stage and off-stage (for those of you who might think, well, what do they mean by that - come and watch us)

11. Concert dates - will be made available soon

12. Entry fee - Ramanujam's number

13. Do you think I was serious????

14. If No, then Chillax - go have a bite, drink whatever!

15. If Yes, check out this page then!

It's enough !!!! The nonsense is back

"It's enough", I told myself. You probably never knew that I often talk to myself. And, oh, I forgot to mention that I do that while I sleep and that scares the devils out of my roomie. And, for all those minds out there thinking he is a devil, No, he ain't possessed. By the way, did u guys know - he is nicknamed 'Vampie'.

So, yes, the reason for the above self-motivating(eh?) statement was this blog. This blog managed to do what all it wasn't supposed to do. While I do not want to disclose anything about that episode here(it might be back to square one again if I do so), what that episode did (not a TV episode - so don't be asking around!!!!) was effectively put a PERIOD to my writing. I was done and dusted blogging within a few months of starting to blog. Emotional and upset, I vowed not to blog again!!

And, no, this is not a sympathy garnering post - am trying to explain why am at it again!!!!

The past few weeks there has been this urge in me. I felt it pushing me forward towards only one place - Absolute Nonsense. Yes, I wasn't going to give up my first blogging effort. After a lot of thought and thorough thought, I felt it was enough. Enough of thinking about it and sulking in a corner. "Be a man" - I told myself !!! No, not in sleep, but after watching Russell Peters once more to liven up our moods.

How did that urge build-up inside me and finally made its way to this post some of you may ask/think. So, ladies and gentlemen, I present you here the answer to that question, if not disclosed might cause headache, migraine, stomach ache, diarrhoea - not to anyone else but to me and me alone....

It all started with a harmless visit to some random blogs recently - I fell in love and started following shamelessly - regardless of wherever I was. I mean the blogs and not anything else.

The pick among them were the Chronicwriter and TDNA. These two blogs made me laugh heartily not once but every time I read them. It didn't stop there. These blogs started inspiring me and slowly my desire which once became ashes started smoking again. I salute the two writers for building up that fire in me again. I was on the verge of writing again.

Initially, I felt that the feeling might go away soon, but, slowly I could feel the urge in me growing up. It grew up so much that my hands started to itch. Itching that they weren't typing anything in the blog.

That itching sensation in my hands grew to an extent that I was scratching my hands with my legs. Well, how I could have done that is anybodies guess, but I did it. The best way to stop my legs doing that was to give some work to my hands.

And therefore, here am again, pounding the keys..... I am back - with further nonsense.

See ya soon!!!

Eggie d Piggy !!!!!!

At last, I got something to write about and I guess you should be pretty excited to be reading some crap after quite a while. Having said that, should also mention that the hiatus was partly due to unavailability of topics which qualified as 'Non-sense' and partly due to being busy at last doing something worth.

Time now to introduce you to the Piggy d Eggie err... Eggie d Piggy (pothikinu paduthukalam, padhutukinu pothikalam - Deva kku oru 'Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo')

1. He hails from - God's own country (I can see some of you thinking this post is kindaa racist. Well, all I can say is, it quite is !! Am terribly sorry, I wanted to say that it ain't !!!

2. He settled down at - the land flowing with Liquor and Liquor - well that's Pondicherry for you.

3. He studied at - first in the odhavakarai Don Bosco School (only the Pondi DBS is like that), then at St.Joseph's where he became friends with me (that was at the fag end of the 3rd year - he was quite scared of me all the while you know) and thereafter at the Pondicherry Engg. College (where he fell in love with a girl who came to teach us computers !!!!)

4. He did - part-time work at his Dad's Egg Store while he was in school and continued to do that while in college too - that explains the name Eggie !!!Luckily for all young lasses of Pondi, the store is closed. Else imagine the plight of those coming to buy eggs when this guy was around !!!

5. His favourite bike - The TVS50. Guess it's marketed as a 'Bike' in His' own country !!!!!He owned a - God knows what color it was TVS50. To me the color resembled close to some Red. FYI, I ain't color blind.

6. His usual pickup line - Can't mention it here !!! He almost got himself killed a couple of times with this stupid pickup line of his.

7. He will - not listen to the sayings of the wise. Well, one was me and the other - Ajit. Believe me, though he claimed I was his bestest pal, he listened to me ZERO times.

8. He obeyed - all nonsense ordered by one peculiar character from the E. Godavari Dist. in AP. And that character was primarily responsible for all non-sense that Eggie had to put up with when in college.

9. His hobby - was sitting on the kutti suvar (small wall) near the college cafeteria gawking at girls and listening to all crap spoken by the other idiots who were fooling around.

10. His so called achievement in college - Being one among the many 'Good for nothings' called 'Placement Reps'.

11. His brains - Never did work and it's no different now I should say. Else why on earth one would throw his bike keys from the road onto the balcony of his home and in the process make the key go down a hole where u can't even shine a light through ?

12. At present - he is in the northern part of India working for a company I never liked to be part of and am not part of.

13. He now - is called a piggy This has nothing to with his personal hygiene. It is his unusual bloated frame (a result of his ill-conceived dietary habits) n stubble n glasses that have prompted the name.

14. His aim - to marry a 'Dufai' mellu wearing lotta Gold

15. His greatest trait - being friends with me after reading this post.

The Tolichowki Gang

Always game for mischief and some down-right non-sense, the 'T-Gang' deserves a place here and rightly so. Right now the gang is reduced in size as they are without one of their founder members (and are sorely missing him). Btw, they are busy recruiting to fill the void. Anyone game ????!!!!!

An intro to the members of the gang and we will be right into some outrageous non-sense (I can hear you saying "Wasn't all the above non-sense too?") Anyway, here come the members of the gang.

'Terror' - That's how the most dis-organized n the laziest of 'em all is known !!!!

'Dreamer' - That's how their erstwhile member is known. Can be called 'Dream Theater' as well (Nah! I ain't referring to the gr8tst prog. metal band of all times!!!)

'Chatter-box' - That will be the last person in the gang. Non-stop rant - Anytime, anyplace !!!

Well, time now to dwell into all the non-sense.

1. Their asset - laziness
As already said, Terror is the laziest of 'em all. The Dreamer comes quite close. Imagine this - You reach their home and ring the bell. The Dreamer sends you an SMS. It reads: "The door is not latched. Come inside". Well, the door is just 7 steps away from the place the Dreamer sits !!!!! The disease did spread and Chatter-b has now become as lazy as the Dreamer. Blame it on proximity !!!

2. They excel at - wasting time
What else on earth are they supposed to excel at ?

3. They lay down - their own rules
Well, this one's from their book of rules: 'While time is at hand, do waste it. Life becomes a bore if all the time at your disposal is spent constructive'.

4. They love - food
Their rule book says: 'Love all, Hate none' . Well, am talking about food here.

5. They are addicted to - hotel Rhumaan's tea
They are so hooked to it that they never fail to sing its praise whenever someone visits them

6. They hate - waking up early
They are thanking their lucky stars that they need not wake up early on the day of their wedding. All their weddings (if they happen) will be conducted only in the evening !!!!!

7. They also hate - all working days & unclean people like Suresh .T !!
All 3 stand witness to the uncomprehendable leves of uncleanliness of Suresh.T

8. They will - sacrifice everything but sleep
That would be a very tough ask of them to do so.

9. Alarm clocks - have no effect on them
It is usually someone else who wake them up.

10. They wish - they get paid without having to work
And now that the whole world has come to know this, they sincerly believe such days are not far off.

11. They are - the perfect narcissists
With the exception of Terror, the Dreamer and Chatter-b love posing for pictures. Well, Dreamer has nearly 6000 pictures of himself.

12. They think - this blog is a well thought out effort
They definitely should - who else is gonna write about 'em ?

13. They believe - appam chutiya is the best thing to have happened to Indian Cricket !!
True to their nature, they have become ardent followers of some more crap called the 'FIP'.

14. They hope - they'll join swimming classes some day
They have been planning about it for 6 months now !!!!

15. They listen - to none !!!
Even if they would, who is ready to speak with them uh ?

16. They strive - to excel in non-sense
Very much evident from the fact that they will not open doors for visitors and instead SMS them the door is open.

17. Their chant - "Uh!! ahh !!"
The source of inspiration - would kick up a major controversy if disclosed.

18. Their sigh - 'Sabaaaa' !!
Founder and promoter: the Dreamer

19. They (are) - MAD !!! (Well, they 'Make a Difference!' - Ain't they ?)
Their contribution to the soceity - all the 18 pts mentioned above.

20. They will never forget - the Tirunelveli Halwa !!!!!!!!!!!
Courtesy: the one and only 'Terror' they failed to de-terrorise !!!!

All crap and no sense from Peacock@Fox@Pea - Part 2

1. It is alleged that his liking (read: fetish) for Pink chaddis is very strong and quite unparalleled among people his age.

2. These days he is sad as he finds it difficult to buy them off stores since chaddis his size are quiet not in stock. Pink chaddi owners therefore, beware when you dry 'em. The Peacock might be lurking somewhere around the corner with a foxy plan !!!

3. News is that, he has found solace that Scooby Doo undies his size are available now !!!!

4. His dressing table resembles that of a girl's, so have I been told. Hair removal cream (Anne French eh ?), Face wash gel etc., are his standard accessories.

5. It is common belief that he makes it a point to eat off more than what he pays for, especially if he happens to take part in a buffet b.fast/lunch/dinner.

6. Evident, as whenever in a buffet, he is the last to get off the table.

7. 'Ever the gentleman' - the image he tries to project.

8. But miserably fails - refer pt.4,18,19,20 in part 1.

9. Holds the cab driver squarely responsible for being late to work.

10.Late he is to work, Always!!!!!

11. His bluff (pt.9) therefore fails more often than it works !!!!

12. A min. of 30 minutes is what he needs to brush and get dressed. (It's common knowledge among the drivers that he'll wake up only after they have reached his home !!!!)

13. It is also alleged that he never feels inclined to take bath whenever he arrives to work in the morning shift !!!! That explains (pt.12) why the time he needs to get ready is just 30 min and not an hour !!!

14. According to him, there is nothing under the sun he doesn't know about !!!!

15. And ends up passing to others all the crap that he knows under the sun as a piece of 'Advice'

16. Whoever asks him for a opinion, would therefore be dead, in my opinion.

17. If there would be someone who would object to his 'Advice', he/she will be christened with an outrageous nickname and be made fun of till the day the world ends or the day he/she passes away - whichever happens first !!!

18. In his esteemed opinion (a worthy addition to the trash can) the hardest work on the planet - preparing the cab roster !!!!

19.Thinks and believes he is the 'Hardest, Smartest, Devoted' worker the world can ever see !!! - remember, he does the hardest work on the planet (pt.18) !!

20. No amount of persuasion/chiding will stop him from his nonsense !!!!!!!